


a barrier of languages and bullet-proof glass

by catchafallingstarfish (spaceboy_niko)



Series: niko's FAHC ramblings [5]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gen, Multilingual Character, aka all of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 18:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11719929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceboy_niko/pseuds/catchafallingstarfish
Summary: The constable of the LSPD is, unfortunately, contractually obligated to let people make one phone call out.It'd be nice if they made the call in a language he could understand.





	a barrier of languages and bullet-proof glass

**Author's Note:**

> also on tumblr with hover translations that i definitely didn't spend aaaaages on  
> http://spaceboy-niko.tumblr.com/post/163833136344/a-barrier-made-of-glass-and-languages
> 
> apologies in advance for terrible translations, i only speak two of the languages used here and one is english so if anyone has any fixes please let me know and i'll sort it out asap!

“We caught ourselves a good one today, boys,” the constable leers at his sniggering compatriots. Gavin sits, rocking on his chair, the hideous orange scrubs rustling as he moves.

“What were you up to this time, Goldie?”

Gavin waves a hand airily from where it’s tied behind the chair. “Oh, y’know. This and that. The usual. Un po’di rapina.”

A confused silence, then mutters. “What’d he say? That wasn’t english, was it?”

Gavin sits, whistling jauntily, and continues to rock.

He’s beginning to think they’ve forgotten about him when they come back, a man in a suit with them.

Gavin smiles and refuses to talk.

“Ah, whatever. Can’t be any different from the last time he was in. Let him make the call.”

They think Gavin misses the mutter of “And tape it, so we can translate it.”

The dial tone buzzes in his ear and Michael picks up. “Yes?”

“Ciao, Michael! Oggi bello, vero?”

A slight crackle from the other end of the line. “Quod sic, suus pulchra. Nos erant iens ut ad solis occasum…”

Gavin gasps melodramatically. “Senza di me, ragazzo? Sono offeso!”

Laughs, and more static. “Si vos excedunt temere, iterum capiantur noluistis!”

“Vaffanculo!”

The guard taps his wrist behind the glass, and Gavin nods.

“Devo andare ora. Ti parlerò quando sarò fuori. Addio, ragazzo!”

“Vale!”

Gavin is shifted off to a holding cell, and the translator is making the final annotation on his transcript when there’s a bang from somewhere in the complex.

“But they only discussed the weather?” There’s an evident note of confusion in his voice.

 

* * *

  

The cadet who manages to bring in the Vagabond looks as pleased as punch. The Vagabond, however, does not.

The constable sighs. “Give him his call, and we’ll get him to talk later.”

That familiar dial tone, and a female voice answers. “Hello?”

“Jack-san –“

“Oh, bloody hell,” the constable whispers.

“–yaoya ni ikutsumori da ka?”

A faint hiss of static. “Tak, to čamu?”

“Kyou no asa ni, tamago to pan o shuuryou suru. Motto o kau kudasai ka?”

“Tak, viadoma. Što-niebudź jašče?”

The Vagabond shakes his head. “Iie. Arigatou gozaimashita.”

“Niama prabliem.”

The phone settles into its cradle, and the Vagabond looks at the constable patiently.

They lock him in max security while they wait for their increasingly-frustrated translator to finish.

“He asked them to buy eggs and bread! That’s it! No daring heist plan, no confession as to why he’s in again, nothing! Just buy eggs and bread!”

The constable awkwardly pats the hysterical translator on the shoulder. “Yeah, that’s the Fakes. They like to fuck with us.”

 

* * *

 

The next one they catch doesn’t even phone the crew, rather some acquaintance out of town. Probably connected.

“Mholweni, Trevor! Kuqhubekani?”

“Are you kidding?!” comes the muffled voice of the translator from the other side of the glass.

“Hey, J! Not much, how’s it going?”

“Ilunge kakhulu. Ndingakucela ukuba uncede?”

“Sure, man!”

“Ngaba uzondla ikati yam?”

“Oh, yeah, of course! No trouble!”

“Nidbulela kakhulu. Tshela i Geoff ndiya kuba ekhaya kamva.”

“Will do. Anything else?”

“Hayi. Uyamangalisa.”

“Oh, stop it. Anyways, catch you later!”

“Sala kakuhle!”

The constable storms out of the room to meet the sobbing translator.

“I can’t even write that down let alone translate it!”

The constable paces. “So golden boy speaks Italian and his ginger boyfriend speaks _Latin_ , of all languages. Vagabond’s got some japanese up his sleeve and she knows fucking Russian or something–“

“Belarusian,” the translator interrupts with a sniff. “It’s Belarusian.”

 

“Right, that, and now Rimmy Tim knows that god damned click language. What does Ramsey speak?”

 

* * *

 

The answer was, in fact–

“A huge fucking mess!”

Ramsey sits and smirks at them, the fucker, and prattles off another witty barb that defies language and grammar.

“I am going to whip that chair out from under him and beat him to death with it,” the constable very calmly declares.

“Hey, now, aren’t you rushing into that a bit?” Another unintelligible jumble of consonants and clicks.

“Just–“ The constable sighs. “Just make your fucking phone call, Ramsey.”

The call is a lot cracklier than normal. “Salve, Geoff!”

“Ubi es? Ti stai guidando senza di me? Jak hruby!”

“Aww, ci dispiace!” There’s an explosion of noise that sounds like laughter.

“Gavin u sidenge! Ow!” Ramsey laughs at the outburst from Rimmy Tim.

“Teishi, teishi! Anata wa subete idioti!” Everyone on both ends of the call is laughing now, and the constable is very, very confused.

“Nu, habere sutekina niadzieliu. Sayounara, stronzi!”

“Addio, Geoffrey!”

“Sala kakuhle!”

“Vale, irrumator!”

“Da pabačennia!”

“Sayounara!”

Ramsey is wiping tears of laughter from his eyes as he hangs the phone up.

“Oh, man, those guys are just a riot, aren’t they?”

The constable decides he’s going to retire young. Very, very young.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr! (spaceboy-niko.tumblr.com)
> 
> i also have a writing blog! (catchafallingstarfish.tumblr.com)


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